Phew. This last week I committed a lot of food sins. I ate hamburgers and fries, chocolate cake, and peanut butter and jelly–from the jar. And whereas I enjoyed every minute of it, there was a price to pay. From a week ago today, this morning I was up four pounds. Yowza. Most of the day I haven’t been sure how I feel about this, but this evening I decided I might as well like it–since what’s done is done and I although I can’t immediately change the results, I can change how I think about them. Like, It’s not the end of the world, and maybe a few extra pounds will keep me from freezing to death.

The weather has been cold lately.

Partly because my weight was up and partly because I’ve been doing it one day a week anyway, today I’ve fasted. This afternoon I went to the movie theater with friends to see Charlie’s Angels and actually turned down hot buttered popcorn. Twice. Talk about willpower. That being said, if someone walked into this room right now and offered me dinner consisting solely of my leather dress shoes (get it, solely?), I’d accept.

With some ketchup, of course.

I’m not a complete barbarian.

In addition to giving my body a chance to cleanse from last night’s indulgences (I went to a wedding and a birthday party and ate a total of four platefuls of food and three pieces of cake), today’s fasting is reminding me of the importance of balance. Not that every meal has to be balanced, but like, if you overdo it, you should–at some point–underdo it. I think this is why my therapist is such a big fan of my using this period of my life to slow down and chill out. I’ve spent so many years go, go, going, it’s like I need the rest. Not just because my body is sometimes tired, but also because, as she says, the natural state of the universe is neutral. Meaning that what goes up, MUST come down.

Did you hear that, bathroom scales?

One thing about not eating all day is that it makes it harder to think. Like, right now I can’t quite put my finger on what I’d like to say. Other than, Dear lord, would someone please give me a hot dog on a bun?! That’s another thing about not eating. It makes you irritable. Not that this is the worst thing. Recently I heard that if you trust someone, you could ask them, “What do you think I should know about myself but are afraid to tell me because you don’t think I’d react well?” Whether you do this or not, I think it’s worth considering for yourself, and it’s why I say being irritable isn’t the worst thing. It’s good to know your triggers. What is it that makes you feel scared and vulnerable, throw a temper tantrum, act petty?

Getting back to the idea of balance, if you know what your triggers are, you can work with them consciously and therefore mitigate your own potentially volatile reactions. I’ve said before that I have a lot of triggers around money, but recently I realized that I’m already living one of my worst financial fears–being back at home with my parents and not knowing when my next paycheck is going to come along. I’ve actually been living this way for almost three years now. And you know what? It’s not that bad. Could things get worse? For sure, but what my mental, emotional, and physical triggers around money have taught me is that I can handle whatever comes along. This doesn’t help me LOVE my circumstances more, but it does help me ACCEPT them. This is huge because for the rest of my life it means I don’t have to freak out every time a circumstance is challenging.

It seems to me that a lot of life is freaking out about one thing or another–how much you weigh, how much money is in your bank account. I said recently that I’ve observed a number of supervisors backstage at musicals, and that some of them are rude and some of them are kind, but either way the work always gets done. The implication being, All things being equal, why not be kind? Along these lines, if life has taught you that you can handle whatever comes along and that everything is always fine in the end, why not stop freaking out? Or are you addicted to the drama? But seriously. So you’re weight’s up one day and down the next. So your bank account is too. You’re okay.