Yesterday I wore the socks Bonnie knitted me for my birthday. They don’t match–intentionally, she said, since life isn’t “perfect.” When I got home from therapy yesterday, I followed my therapist’s suggestion–I took a nap. Then I spent the evening watching two movies. The first, The Pursuit of Happyness, starred Will Smith and told the true story of a man who went from living on the streets to becoming a millionaire stock broker. Everything about this story made my heart sing. The second movie, The Words, was about a writer who wrote a story about a writer who found another writer’s manuscript (about his true love and their child who died), published it as his own, and became famous. If you’re confused, you should be. The movie had its moments–wonderful acting–but it was like playing with a set of Russian nesting doll–stories inside of stories.
The fact that my friend Justin recommended The Words should come as no surprise. (Justin is notorious for recommending “meh” movies.) “Justin, that vampire movie you told me to watch was terrible. I just can’t trust your cinema wisdom after that experience,” I said last week. “No, this movie will be different,” he said.
“Trust me,” he said.
Last night I was in bed at the time I usually start writing. I think I slept for eleven or twelve hours. And whereas I don’t feel like a daisy today–I have a headache–I do feel better. As much as getting some sleep, I think it has to do with finishing the blog earlier than normal. I guess it was creating a certain amount of stress, especially on days that were full of activities. It’d be three in the morning, I’d be worn out, and I’d think, Oh yeah, I still have that to do. Now it’s two-thirty in the afternoon, and I plan to be done with today’s blog by three-thirty. Earlier today I unsubscribed from a number of email lists, and I’m looking at that action the same way I’m looking at knocking the blog out while the sun’s still shining–a little action I can take to alleviate stress and relieve tension.
I mean, it all adds up.
Another thing I’m doing is changing the music I’m listening to while blogging. Normally I listen to instrumental music. Always the same, it’s something a friend gave me once–spiritual music. There are supposed to be seven tracks–one for each chakra–but one of the files is missing. Shit, that’s probably why I’ve felt so out of balance lately–I don’t have the heart chakra file. Anyway, today I’m listening to James Brown, and I’m finding that he’s just as spiritual. Yesterday I told my therapist that I feel stuck, what with living at home and having been sick for so long. She said, “Marcus, everything changes. You won’t be there forever. You won’t be here in this office forever.”
One day a change will come.
Today’s blog is number 250. That’s 250 days in a row of straight blogging. The goal is a year, and whether or not I make it, I do realize that one day I’ll leave my laptop shut, not write a word for the world to see. Maybe I’ll be sick in the hospital, or maybe I’ll be drinking a cup of coffee and watching Days of Our Lives with my dad, but it’ll be that simple. One day a change will come, if for no other reason than that’s the way life works. Like a pair of mismatched socks, one day doesn’t mirror the one next to. Life isn’t “perfect,” at least if you think perfect is having two socks or days that match.
" When the universe speaks—listen.
"We all have inner wisdom. We all have true north."
" If you want to become who you were meant to be, it's absolutely necessary to shed your old skin. Sure it might be sad to say goodbye--to your old phone, to your old beliefs, anything that helped get you this far--but you've got to let go in order to make room for something new.
" Normal people don’t walk on water.
" So perhaps perfection has little to do with that which changes and everything to do with that which doesn't. For surely there is a still, small something inside each of us that never changes, something that is timeless and untouchable, something inherently valuable and lovable--something perfect.
" You can’t stuff down the truth—it always comes up.
" Rest gives us time to dream. One day, for certain, you’ll wake up. And you’ll be grateful for the time you rested, and you’ll be just as grateful that you’re different, far from the person who fell asleep.
" Some things simply take time and often more than one trip to the hardware store.
" Each season has something to offer.
" You can be more discriminating.
" If you think only girls cry or that crying is inappropriate for some reason, fuck you. Some things are too damn heavy to hold on to forever.
"It's really good news to find out that the world isn't as scary as you thought it was."
" Boundaries aren’t something you knock out of the park every time.
"I believe we're all courageous, and I believe that no one is alone."
" It’s hard to say where a kindness begins or ends.
" You can’t pick and choose what you receive from life, and you can’t always accurately label something as bad.
" Both sunshine and rain are required for growth.
" Nothing is set in stone here.
"It's never a minor thing to take better care of yourself."
" One day a change will come.
" Since one life touches another, we can never really say how far our influence goes. Truly, our story goes on and on in both directions. Truly, we are infinite.
" If you want to find a problem, you will.
" Your story isn’t about your physical challenges.
"We were made to love without conditions. That's the packaging we were sent with."
" Ultimately, we all have to get our validation from inside, not outside, ourselves.
" You can be weird here. You can be yourself.
" Better that you're true to yourself and the whole world be disappointed than to change who you are and the whole world be satisfied.
"Kindness is never a small thing."
" You have everything you need.
" You absolutely have to be vulnerable and state what you want.
" Life proceeds at its own pace.
" Anything and everything is possible.
" If life can create a problem, it can also provide an answer.
" Life is better when we're not in control. When we mentally leave room for anything to happen, anything can.
" Freedom lies on the other side of everything you're afraid of.
"There are a lot of benefits to being right here, right now."
"No one comes into this life knowing how to dance, always moving with grace."
" Bodies are so mysterious, much more complicated than car doors. They take more patience to understand and work with. They require more than a couple hours to repair.
" No one is immune from life’s challenges.
" There’s no such thing as a small action. There’s no such thing as small progress.
"Sure, people change, but love doesn't."
" All things become ripe when they’re ready.
" It's enough to sit in, and sometimes drag ass through, the mystery.
" Your emotions are tired of being ignored.
" Growth and getting far in life have nothing to do with where you’re physically standing.
" Every stress and trauma in your life is written somewhere in your body.
" Sure, we forget it plenty of times, but on the inside we’re all shining. This is what gives me hope, knowing that we are all radiant.
" Perfection is ever-elusive.
" All the while, we imagine things should be different than they are, but life persists the way it is.
" Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
" Give yourself a break.
" Nothing physical was ever meant to stay the same.
" You can’t play small forever.
" In other words, there's always SOMETHING else to improve or work on. Therefore, striving for perfection is not only frustrating, it's also technically impossible.
" You've got to believe that things can turn around, that even difficult situations--perhaps only difficult situations--can turn you into something magnificent.
" Healing requires letting go of that thing you can’t let go of.
" Rejecting yourself is what really hurts.
" The deepest waters are the only ones capable of carrying you home.
" Our struggles unearth our strengths.
" No one dances completely alone.
" You've really got to believe in yourself and what you're doing. Again, it comes down to integrity and making something solid of yourself, something that's so well-built on the inside that it can handle any storm.
" Getting comfortable in your own skin takes time.
"No one's story should end on the ground."
" Who’s to say that one experience is better than another?
" For me, it's important to hang on to this idea that no matter how bad they are, your circumstances can turn around, to believe that if an elephant can show up in your life, it can also disappear, to believe that just as the universe full of big problems, it is also full of big answers.
" I don't think anyone came to this planet in order to get it right the first time. What would be the point?
" We may never be done, but that doesn't mean we'll never be complete. And surely we are complete right here, right now, and surely there is space enough for the full moon, for you and for me, and all our possibilities.
" Damn if good news doesn't travel the slowest.
" There’s nothing you can do to change the seasons or hurry them along.
" Solid help and solid hope are quite the same thing.
" Abundance is a lot like gravity--it's everywhere.
"Beating yourself up is a far cry from self-respect."
" Just as there’s day and night literally, there’s also day and night emotionally. Like the sun, one minute we’re up, the next minute we’re down. Our perspectives change constantly. There’s nothing wrong with this. The constellations get turned around once a day, so why can’t you and I? Under heaven, there’s room enough for everything–the sun, the moon and stars, and all our emotions. Yes, the universe–our home–is large enough to hold every bit of us.
" Aren’t you perfect just the way you are?
" Nothing was made to last forever.
"That love inside that shows up as joy or enthusiasm is your authentic self."
" It’s okay to ask for help.
" Patting yourself on the back is better than beating yourself over the head.
" It takes forty years in the desert for seas to part.
" The clearer you see what's going on inside of you, the clearer you see what's going on outside of you. It's that simple.
" There’s nothing wrong with taking a damn nap.
" There's a wisdom underneath everything that moves us and even the planets at its own infallible pace. We forget that we too are like the planets, part of a larger universe that is always proceeding one step at time, never in the wrong place, everything always right where it belongs.
" If another's perspective, another's story about you is kinder than the one you're telling yourself, surely that's a story worth listening to.
" Sometimes you have to give up wanting something before you can have it.
" Whatever needs to happen, happens.
" It’s not where you are, it’s whom you are there with.
" One thing finishes, another starts. Things happen when they happen.
" As taught in the story of the phoenix, a new life doesn't come without the old one first being burned away.
" Whereas I've always pictured patience as a sweet, smiling, long-haired lady in a white dress, I'm coming to see her as a frumpy, worn-out old broad with three chins. You know--sturdy--someone who's been through the ringer and lived to tell about it.
" Storms don’t define us, they refine us.
"The truth is right in front of you."
" Even a twisted tree grows tall and strong.
" The symbols that fascinate us are meant to transform us.
" Life doesn’t need us to boss it around.
" And God knows you don't make everyone else happy. But this is no reason to quit or be discouraged, since doing what you love and feel called to do is never--never--about gaining acceptance from others.
" Everything is progressing as it should.
" Beautiful isn’t something that comes in a particular package. Beautiful is simply being yourself.
" Take your challenges and turn them into the source of your strengths.
" You can't build a house, much less a life, from the outside-in. Rather, if you want something that's going to last, you have to start on the inside and work your way out, no matter how long it takes and how difficult it is.
" Allowing someone else to put you down or discourage your dreams is, quite frankly, anything but self-care.
" Perhaps this is what bravery really is--simply having run out of better options, being so totally frustrated by the outside world that all you can do is go within.
"Authenticity is worth all the hard work. Being real is its own reward."
" We all need to feel alive.
" None of us is ever really lost. At least we're never really alone. For always there is someone to help point your ship in the right direction, someone who sees you when you can't see yourself.
" All great heroes, at some point, surrender to the unknown.
" Suddenly the sun breaks through the clouds. A dove appears--the storm is over.
" There’s a lot of magic around you.
"You can't change your age, but you can change what your age means to you."
" You can’t change what happened, but you can change the story you tell yourself about it.
" A friend’s laughter takes us backward and carries us forward simultaneously.
" We follow the mystery, never knowing what’s next.
" It's never a small thing to open your home or heart to another person.
" We think of hope as something pristine, but hope is haggard like we are.
" More often than not, the truth is a monster. It gets in your face and makes you get honest. Sometimes the truth separates you from people you care about, if for no other reason than to bring you closer to yourself.
" Our shoulders weren’t meant to carry the weight of the world.
" All emotions are useful.
"Obviously, God's capable of a lot. Just look around."
" No good story ever ends.
" You’re exactly where you need to be.
" Confidence takes what you have and amplifies it. Confidence makes anyone sexy.
" Help is always on the way.
"When you’re authentic, your authenticity is enough. You don’t need to compare."
" Everything is all right and okay.
" If you're not living a fully authentic life, a part of you will never be satisfied.
" I believe that God is moving small universes to communicate with me and with all of us, answering prayers and sending signs in unplanned moments, the touch of a friend's hand, and the very air we breathe.
" Your life is a mystery. But you can relax. It’s not your job to solve it.
" Even if you can't be anything you want to be, you can absolutely be who you were meant to be. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.
"Not knowing what's going to happen next is part of the adventure."
" Our burdens are lighter when we share them.
" When you hide your hurt, you can’t help but pass it on. It ends up seeping, sometimes exploding out.
" Our world is magical, a mysterious place where everything somehow works together, where nothing and no one is without influence, where all things great and small make a difference.
" All your scattered pieces want to come back home.
" Transformation doesn’t have a drive thru window. It takes time to be born again.
" All things are moving as they should.
" Sometimes you have to go back before you can go forward.
" Love stands at the front door and says, “You don’t have to change a thing about yourself to come inside.”
" Some days, most days, are a mixed bag. We cry, we laugh, we quit, we start again. That's life. In the process, we find out we're stronger than we thought we were, and perhaps this is healing.
" A storm can leave your life just as quickly as it enters it.
" What are you really running away from?
" We are all connected in a great mystery and made of the same strong stuff.
" We can hang on and put everything safely in its place, and then at some point, we’re forced to let go.
" Along the way you’ll find yourself, and that’s the main thing, the only thing there really is to find.
" Things are only important because we think they are.
" Answers come built-in. There are no "just problems."
" We don’t get to boss life around.
" Any mundane thing–an elevator ride!–can be turned into something joyous.
" There’s a power that comes when you meet life’s challenges head-on. Those are the times you breathe the deepest. Those are the times the waters come forth and your heart beats every bit as loud as the thunder claps. Those are the times you know more than ever—no matter what happens next—in this moment, you’re alive.
" Boundaries are about starting small, enjoying initial successes, and practicing until you get your relationships like you want them.
" The truth doesn’t suck.
" You know when someone crosses a line. You may not want to admit it, but you know.
" It's the holes or the spaces in our lives that give us room to breathe and room to rest in, room to contain both good and bad days, and--when the time is right--room for something else to come along.
" The more honest you are about what's actually happening inside of you, the happier you are.
" Pressure, it seems, is necessary to positive internal change. After all, lumps of coal don't shine on their own.
" As the ocean of life changes, we must too.
" if you're content with yourself and you're always with yourself, then what's the problem?
"The heart sings for its own reasons."
" You really do belong here.
" You can rise above. You can walk on water.
" A mantra: Not an asshole, not a doormat.
" We always have more support than we realize.
"Sickness and health come and go, just like everything else. It's just the way life is."
" If anything is ever going to change for the better, the truth has to come first.
" If you’re making yourself up to get someone else’s approval–stop it–because you can’t manipulate anyone into loving you. People either embrace you for who and what you are–or they don’t.
" Healing is never a straight line.
" We’re all made of the same stuff.
" In this moment, we are all okay.
" Go easier on yourself.
" Love is all around us.
" It’s enough just to be here.
" Abundance comes in many forms.
" The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. And whereas it's just a single step, it's a really important one.
" Sometimes the best you can do is metaphorically sit you ego down, look it square in the eye, and say, “Would you shut the fuck up already?”
" Of all the broken things in your life, you’re not one of them–and you never have been.
" Sometimes we move with grace and sometimes we move with struggle. But at some point, standing still is no longer good enough.
" Give yourself an abundance of grace.
"Miracles happen."
"Things that shine do better when they're scattered about."
" We're allowed to relabel and remake ourselves.
" When we expect great things, we see great things.
" Being scared isn’t always an invitation to run away. More often than not, it’s an invitation to grow a pair and run toward.
" It’s never too late to be your own friend.
" There is a force, a momentum that dances with all of us, sometimes lifting us up in the air, sometimes bringing us back down in a great mystery of starts and stops.
" Just because your face is nice to look at doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart that’s capable of being broken. These things happen to humans, and there isn’t a one of us who isn’t human.
" We can rewrite our stories if we want to.
" Stop buying your own bullshit.
"Why should anyone be embarrassed about the truth?"
" A break is no small thing to give yourself.
" Sometimes life can really kick you in the balls and make you drop to your knees.
" We are surrounded by the light.
" Healing is like the internet at my parents’ house—it takes time.
" For all of the things life takes away, it gives so much more in return. Whether we realize it or not, there’s always grace available.
" No emotion is ever truly buried.
" For I am a universe–large–like you are, and there is room here for all that we contain. An ego, of course, is small, and it is disgusted and humiliated by the smallest of things. But a universe is bigger than that, much too big to judge itself or another, much too big to ever question how bright it is shining.
" Life is never just so. Honestly, it’s a big damn mess most of the time.Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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