Okay, this is kind of a big deal. I’m starting a blog before midnight. The reason for this small miracle is because I’m tired. I’d like to get this done and go to bed. As it turns out, when you sleep on a farm like I did last night, you have to wake up early–at least if the farm next door has a bulldozer that beeps every time it backs up. Oh well, shit happens, and thank God for coffee.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think I could actually be a morning person. I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever be “one of those” morning people–you know the type–bouncing off the walls, annoying. But I could definitely function and be pleasant. This morning I sat on CJ’s porch, caffeinated, and watched the butterflies flap their wings and a spider make its nest. I also heard a wasp fly by my ear, but since I was half-naked, I screamed like a girl and didn’t stay outside for any more “morning wonders.” So I went in, took a shower, and almost slipped and fell on the slick floor. And before I could stop myself–just like an old person–I thought, God, a rubber mat would be nice.
This afternoon I made a pit-stop in Fayetteville for lunch (and more coffee) with my friend Ray. Then I went shopping for a new pair of jeans, since last week I split the seat out of mine. Plus, it’s my birthday next week, so I’d like new pants. That is, I’m assuming I won’t be spending the whole day naked. (Sigh.) Anyway, maybe I really am getting old and cranky, but when I was younger, buying jeans was easier. Now every item I pick up is basically a pair of yoga pants–skinny calves, stretchy all over–not flattering for people who eat pancakes for lunch. Still, I always try on these “rubber bottoms,” hoping. But they never work. My ankles are small, my butt is big–nothing fits. Talk about frustrating. The only positive thing to shopping today was all the calories I burned trying to get into and out of all that elastic denim.
It wasn’t pretty. Plus, still no birthday britches.
Tonight in improv class we played a game called Change. Or maybe it was called Try Again. Obviously, I wasn’t paying a lot of attention. But the idea is that two people start a scene, like maybe a couple is out to eat at Long John Silver’s. Then at some point in the dialogue, someone off stage (the director) says, “Change,” and the actors have to keep changing their dialogue until they get a green light.
“I sure would like the shrimp, honey.” (Change.)
“I sure would like the catfish, dear.” (Change.)
“Do these hush puppies make my butt look big?”
One of the benefits of the game is that it teaches you to think on your feet, to quickly let go of whatever you had in mind for the scene and go in a different direction. Of course, it’s hard as hell, but that’s the fun of it. No one has any idea what’s going to happen next. (Kind of like life.)
Back at the house tonight, Mom was already in bed, so Dad and I went to Waffle House for dinner. We both got the same thing, so it was almost like eating at home, except we didn’t have to do the dishes. I had two more cups of coffee, so even though I’m currently exhausted, my arms are shaking. Anyway, I made Dad take four selfies with me, and he was a good sport about it. But when we got home–maybe as payback–I had to give him his insulin shot. Granted, until tonight, I’d never given anyone a shot ever, but I thought, It can’t be that hard. Hell, I can put a nail in sheet rock like nobody’s business.
Of course, sheet rock doesn’t bleed.
Luckily, Dad didn’t either. I just counted to three, stuck the needle in as if I were picking up a piece of cheddar cheese with a toothpick, and slowly injected the insulin. Then I counted to ten, took out the needle, and rubbed the spot with alcohol. Dad said, “You don’t have to take the skin off.”
“Oh.”
Tonight I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to have a “change” or “try again” option for life. Like, there are a few (dozen–hundred–dozen hundred) things I’d like to do differently. Of course, we can’t go back. That being said, things are changing constantly, and I guess we really can begin again at any moment. We can always wake up one day and say, “This isn’t working for me anymore.” Really, I think life is constantly reminding us of this. I met a spiritual teacher once who said we get hung up because of how we identify. For example, I could think, “I’m a dance instructor,” and cause myself a lot of problems if I don’t have any students. He said the truth is always simpler. Like, in this moment, I’m a sitter because I’m sitting. If I wanted to go a step further, I could say that I’m a writer, but as soon as I close my laptop, I’m not a writer anymore.
The truth is right in front of you.
This makes a lot of sense to me, but I often forget to remind myself that each day–each hour–I play many different roles. First I’m a coffee drinker (change), then maybe a yoga student (change), then a friend at lunch (change). Before the day is over, I’m a shot-giver! The mystics say this isn’t a problem unless you get stuck identifying with your past, which–by the way–only exists in your head. So one minute you’re healthy, then you’re sick, then your healthy again. Or one day you have a job, and then you don’t, and then (surely) you do again. And maybe it really is all a game. The mystics say that too, that life’s just exploring itself. One minute it’s here, the next minute it’s there. They say the joke is that the truth (reality) is right in front of you, it’s just always changing, sort of like a pair of pants.
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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In other words, there's always SOMETHING else to improve or work on. Therefore, striving for perfection is not only frustrating, it's also technically impossible.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Boundaries are about starting small, enjoying initial successes, and practicing until you get your relationships like you want them.
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For I am a universe–large–like you are, and there is room here for all that we contain. An ego, of course, is small, and it is disgusted and humiliated by the smallest of things. But a universe is bigger than that, much too big to judge itself or another, much too big to ever question how bright it is shining.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Help is always on the way.
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Sometimes we move with grace and sometimes we move with struggle. But at some point, standing still is no longer good enough.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Love stands at the front door and says, “You don’t have to change a thing about yourself to come inside.”
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Abundance is a lot like gravity--it's everywhere.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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What are you really running away from?
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Your life is a mystery. But you can relax. It’s not your job to solve it.
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A storm can leave your life just as quickly as it enters it.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Your emotions are tired of being ignored.
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Rejecting yourself is what really hurts.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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No one dances completely alone.
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Some things simply take time and often more than one trip to the hardware store.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We follow the mystery, never knowing what’s next.
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A mantra: Not an asshole, not a doormat.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Even if you can't be anything you want to be, you can absolutely be who you were meant to be. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Life is better when we're not in control. When we mentally leave room for anything to happen, anything can.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You know when someone crosses a line. You may not want to admit it, but you know.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Storms don’t define us, they refine us.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Growth and getting far in life have nothing to do with where you’re physically standing.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Abundance comes in many forms.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Life is never just so. Honestly, it’s a big damn mess most of the time.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Suddenly the sun breaks through the clouds. A dove appears--the storm is over.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"No one's story should end on the ground."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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When you hide your hurt, you can’t help but pass it on. It ends up seeping, sometimes exploding out.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"The heart sings for its own reasons."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Your story isn’t about your physical challenges.
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When we expect great things, we see great things.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It’s never too late to be your own friend.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Love is all around us.
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Sure, we forget it plenty of times, but on the inside we’re all shining. This is what gives me hope, knowing that we are all radiant.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We are surrounded by the light.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Sickness and health come and go, just like everything else. It's just the way life is."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"When you’re authentic, your authenticity is enough. You don’t need to compare."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"You can't change your age, but you can change what your age means to you."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Kindness is never a small thing."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you're not living a fully authentic life, a part of you will never be satisfied.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can be weird here. You can be yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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And God knows you don't make everyone else happy. But this is no reason to quit or be discouraged, since doing what you love and feel called to do is never--never--about gaining acceptance from others.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can’t change what happened, but you can change the story you tell yourself about it.
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You have everything you need.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Authenticity is worth all the hard work. Being real is its own reward."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Solid help and solid hope are quite the same thing.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can rise above. You can walk on water.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Healing requires letting go of that thing you can’t let go of.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can’t pick and choose what you receive from life, and you can’t always accurately label something as bad.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Patting yourself on the back is better than beating yourself over the head.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The truth doesn’t suck.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Anything and everything is possible.
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Stop buying your own bullshit.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Perfection is ever-elusive.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you’re making yourself up to get someone else’s approval–stop it–because you can’t manipulate anyone into loving you. People either embrace you for who and what you are–or they don’t.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Why should anyone be embarrassed about the truth?"
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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One thing finishes, another starts. Things happen when they happen.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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When the universe speaks—listen.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There’s a power that comes when you meet life’s challenges head-on. Those are the times you breathe the deepest. Those are the times the waters come forth and your heart beats every bit as loud as the thunder claps. Those are the times you know more than ever—no matter what happens next—in this moment, you’re alive.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Pressure, it seems, is necessary to positive internal change. After all, lumps of coal don't shine on their own.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Everything is all right and okay.
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There is a force, a momentum that dances with all of us, sometimes lifting us up in the air, sometimes bringing us back down in a great mystery of starts and stops.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The clearer you see what's going on inside of you, the clearer you see what's going on outside of you. It's that simple.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All things become ripe when they’re ready.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Not knowing what's going to happen next is part of the adventure."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Just as there’s day and night literally, there’s also day and night emotionally. Like the sun, one minute we’re up, the next minute we’re down. Our perspectives change constantly. There’s nothing wrong with this. The constellations get turned around once a day, so why can’t you and I? Under heaven, there’s room enough for everything–the sun, the moon and stars, and all our emotions. Yes, the universe–our home–is large enough to hold every bit of us.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you want to become who you were meant to be, it's absolutely necessary to shed your old skin. Sure it might be sad to say goodbye--to your old phone, to your old beliefs, anything that helped get you this far--but you've got to let go in order to make room for something new.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Rest gives us time to dream. One day, for certain, you’ll wake up. And you’ll be grateful for the time you rested, and you’ll be just as grateful that you’re different, far from the person who fell asleep.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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So perhaps perfection has little to do with that which changes and everything to do with that which doesn't. For surely there is a still, small something inside each of us that never changes, something that is timeless and untouchable, something inherently valuable and lovable--something perfect.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Damn if good news doesn't travel the slowest.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Boundaries aren’t something you knock out of the park every time.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Sometimes the best you can do is metaphorically sit you ego down, look it square in the eye, and say, “Would you shut the fuck up already?”
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Sometimes you have to give up wanting something before you can have it.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can be more discriminating.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All great heroes, at some point, surrender to the unknown.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Freedom lies on the other side of everything you're afraid of.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Any mundane thing–an elevator ride!–can be turned into something joyous.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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For all of the things life takes away, it gives so much more in return. Whether we realize it or not, there’s always grace available.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Take your challenges and turn them into the source of your strengths.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We are all connected in a great mystery and made of the same strong stuff.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"There are a lot of benefits to being right here, right now."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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No one is immune from life’s challenges.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The deepest waters are the only ones capable of carrying you home.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. And whereas it's just a single step, it's a really important one.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"No one comes into this life knowing how to dance, always moving with grace."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Sometimes you have to go back before you can go forward.
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It's the holes or the spaces in our lives that give us room to breathe and room to rest in, room to contain both good and bad days, and--when the time is right--room for something else to come along.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We can hang on and put everything safely in its place, and then at some point, we’re forced to let go.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It’s okay to ask for help.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There’s a lot of magic around you.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You’re exactly where you need to be.
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Our burdens are lighter when we share them.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Go easier on yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If life can create a problem, it can also provide an answer.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Give yourself a break.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Our shoulders weren’t meant to carry the weight of the world.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Life doesn’t need us to boss it around.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can’t play small forever.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It's enough to sit in, and sometimes drag ass through, the mystery.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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A break is no small thing to give yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Aren’t you perfect just the way you are?
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Obviously, God's capable of a lot. Just look around."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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I believe that God is moving small universes to communicate with me and with all of us, answering prayers and sending signs in unplanned moments, the touch of a friend's hand, and the very air we breathe.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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As the ocean of life changes, we must too.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you want to find a problem, you will.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Miracles happen."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Answers come built-in. There are no "just problems."
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You've really got to believe in yourself and what you're doing. Again, it comes down to integrity and making something solid of yourself, something that's so well-built on the inside that it can handle any storm.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It’s hard to say where a kindness begins or ends.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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One day a change will come.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We don’t get to boss life around.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All emotions are useful.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If anything is ever going to change for the better, the truth has to come first.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Things that shine do better when they're scattered about."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Nothing is set in stone here.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Some days, most days, are a mixed bag. We cry, we laugh, we quit, we start again. That's life. In the process, we find out we're stronger than we thought we were, and perhaps this is healing.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You absolutely have to be vulnerable and state what you want.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"We were made to love without conditions. That's the packaging we were sent with."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It’s enough just to be here.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There’s nothing you can do to change the seasons or hurry them along.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Getting comfortable in your own skin takes time.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We can rewrite our stories if we want to.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Each season has something to offer.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Perhaps this is what bravery really is--simply having run out of better options, being so totally frustrated by the outside world that all you can do is go within.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We think of hope as something pristine, but hope is haggard like we are.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There’s no such thing as a small action. There’s no such thing as small progress.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Allowing someone else to put you down or discourage your dreams is, quite frankly, anything but self-care.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Everything is progressing as it should.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If another's perspective, another's story about you is kinder than the one you're telling yourself, surely that's a story worth listening to.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Our struggles unearth our strengths.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Being scared isn’t always an invitation to run away. More often than not, it’s an invitation to grow a pair and run toward.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Who’s to say that one experience is better than another?
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"It's really good news to find out that the world isn't as scary as you thought it was."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It takes forty years in the desert for seas to part.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"That love inside that shows up as joy or enthusiasm is your authentic self."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Sometimes life can really kick you in the balls and make you drop to your knees.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Give yourself an abundance of grace.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Beautiful isn’t something that comes in a particular package. Beautiful is simply being yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can’t stuff down the truth—it always comes up.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Nothing physical was ever meant to stay the same.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All the while, we imagine things should be different than they are, but life persists the way it is.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We always have more support than we realize.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Bodies are so mysterious, much more complicated than car doors. They take more patience to understand and work with. They require more than a couple hours to repair.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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For me, it's important to hang on to this idea that no matter how bad they are, your circumstances can turn around, to believe that if an elephant can show up in your life, it can also disappear, to believe that just as the universe full of big problems, it is also full of big answers.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Along the way you’ll find yourself, and that’s the main thing, the only thing there really is to find.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Ultimately, we all have to get our validation from inside, not outside, ourselves.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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In this moment, we are all okay.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Better that you're true to yourself and the whole world be disappointed than to change who you are and the whole world be satisfied.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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I don't think anyone came to this planet in order to get it right the first time. What would be the point?
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Nothing was made to last forever.
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No good story ever ends.
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Life proceeds at its own pace.
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No emotion is ever truly buried.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Both sunshine and rain are required for growth.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Transformation doesn’t have a drive thru window. It takes time to be born again.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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if you're content with yourself and you're always with yourself, then what's the problem?
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Confidence takes what you have and amplifies it. Confidence makes anyone sexy.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"I believe we're all courageous, and I believe that no one is alone."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There's a wisdom underneath everything that moves us and even the planets at its own infallible pace. We forget that we too are like the planets, part of a larger universe that is always proceeding one step at time, never in the wrong place, everything always right where it belongs.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"It's never a minor thing to take better care of yourself."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Beating yourself up is a far cry from self-respect."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All your scattered pieces want to come back home.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We may never be done, but that doesn't mean we'll never be complete. And surely we are complete right here, right now, and surely there is space enough for the full moon, for you and for me, and all our possibilities.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Healing is never a straight line.
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Things are only important because we think they are.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You really do belong here.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Healing is like the internet at my parents’ house—it takes time.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Whatever needs to happen, happens.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Since one life touches another, we can never really say how far our influence goes. Truly, our story goes on and on in both directions. Truly, we are infinite.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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None of us is ever really lost. At least we're never really alone. For always there is someone to help point your ship in the right direction, someone who sees you when you can't see yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Whereas I've always pictured patience as a sweet, smiling, long-haired lady in a white dress, I'm coming to see her as a frumpy, worn-out old broad with three chins. You know--sturdy--someone who's been through the ringer and lived to tell about it.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Even a twisted tree grows tall and strong.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The more honest you are about what's actually happening inside of you, the happier you are.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Just because your face is nice to look at doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart that’s capable of being broken. These things happen to humans, and there isn’t a one of us who isn’t human.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We all need to feel alive.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Every stress and trauma in your life is written somewhere in your body.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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As taught in the story of the phoenix, a new life doesn't come without the old one first being burned away.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"Sure, people change, but love doesn't."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It’s not where you are, it’s whom you are there with.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Of all the broken things in your life, you’re not one of them–and you never have been.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Our world is magical, a mysterious place where everything somehow works together, where nothing and no one is without influence, where all things great and small make a difference.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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More often than not, the truth is a monster. It gets in your face and makes you get honest. Sometimes the truth separates you from people you care about, if for no other reason than to bring you closer to yourself.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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All things are moving as they should.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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It's never a small thing to open your home or heart to another person.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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There’s nothing wrong with taking a damn nap.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You can't build a house, much less a life, from the outside-in. Rather, if you want something that's going to last, you have to start on the inside and work your way out, no matter how long it takes and how difficult it is.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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A friend’s laughter takes us backward and carries us forward simultaneously.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"The truth is right in front of you."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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If you think only girls cry or that crying is inappropriate for some reason, fuck you. Some things are too damn heavy to hold on to forever.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We’re all made of the same stuff.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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We're allowed to relabel and remake ourselves.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
"We all have inner wisdom. We all have true north."
Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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Normal people don’t walk on water.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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You've got to believe that things can turn around, that even difficult situations--perhaps only difficult situations--can turn you into something magnificent.
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Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)
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The symbols that fascinate us are meant to transform us.
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