When Your Mood Stinks (Blog #70) - Me and My Therapist

Leave a comment June 8, 2017 CoCo

I’ve been in a foul mood pretty much the entire day. In addition to being hungry because I’ve recently cut back on carbs and sugars (and all the things I love so dearly), I didn’t get much sleep last night, since I got up early this morning to go to therapy. (I’m sure it wasn’t the first time someone showed up in a bad mood. I mean, that’s kind of the point.) So that’s how I woke up, and then even before I got out of bed, I decided the screen protector I put on my new phone a couple of days ago was a PIECE OF SHIT because it wasn’t registering touch very well, which is a problem for–I don’t know–a touch-screen phone.

So that pissed me off.

And then when I got dressed, I couldn’t find my favorite ring. (I almost always know where my things are, since I’m anal retentive and hyper-organized and consequently so much fun to be around.) I looked everywhere–my man bag, my toiletry bag, my luggage–and couldn’t find it, so I started thinking that I must have left it in Nashville somewhere.

So that pissed me off more.

I almost always enjoy therapy, but since beginning this blog, I’ve started thinking, Good, it’s therapy day–more material. (On certain topics, my therapist, family, and friends have started letting me know in advance–don’t write about this. Fair enough.) But more often than not, I’m finding that what happens during that one hour in therapy is rarely the thing for the day I end up blogging about. Go figure. So I’ll just say that it went well, other than the fact that I was wearing shorts and a tank top and the waiting room felt like a meat locker.

After therapy I had lunch with my friend Ray, and I showed up a little early, so I sat in my car and Googled the screen protector I bought for my phone. I found out that I should be able to remove the protector, which made me feel better. But then I realized I would still need to replace it with another brand, which seemed overwhelming, so I put my phone away.

For lunch Ray introduced me to the best brussel sprouts I’ve ever eaten. I assume they were fried in unicorn fat and dipped in ranch dressing made by fairies, but since I’m on a diet, I didn’t ask any questions and instead focused on the fact that they were green.

In and of itself, a bad mood isn’t a problem.

I told Ray that I was upset about the screen protector on my phone and that I’d decided to not do anything about it–take the screen off, call the company, throw my phone across the damn room–until I got more sleep and adjusted to my diet. Ray reminded me of the acronym HALT, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. The idea behind the acronym is to to slow the fuck down (halt) and not make any big decisions whenever you’re one of those four things, since you’re probably not going to make the best decision anyway. (Personally, I think the H could also stand for Horny. Don’t make any big decisions when you’re horny.)

Just speaking from today’s experience, I’d also suggest that if you have three out of the four letters going on, don’t even bother leaving the house. Just try again tomorrow. Maybe wait until next week if you can.

The rest of the day has been–okay. I picked up a few books at the library and took a nap when I got home. Currently, the nap feels like a distant memory. This evening I went for a long walk and saw a skunk–twice. I’m pretty sure it was following me. Whenever something like this happens, I assume it’s a sign from the heavens rather than–you know–a skunk with bad eyesight thinking my black and white tennis shoes would be nice to make babies with.

Anyway, I looked up skunks on Google, and it turns out that it takes a few days for them to replenish their famous odor after it’s released. Because of this fact, they’re pretty cautious about using it and will only do so if there’s a real threat. In terms of spirituality, skunks represent independence, discernment, and good boundaries. (If only skunks had boundary bumper stickers that said, “Stay away or get the spray.”)

When I got home from the walk, I found my ring. It was in my man bag hiding behind the Ibuprofen. That made me feel a little better, but I’m still hungry, angry (about the phone), and tired. The day itself has gone well, but it’s felt like there’s been a bad mood on deck the entire time, just itching to step up to the plate and take a swing. I’m proud to say I haven’t really let it, but it’s certainly been tempting. I think that if I’d engaged more with the phone problem or tried to do anything more challenging than tie my shoes, I would have screamed or cried or both.

Since seeing the skunk, I’ve been trying to make a lesson out independence, discernment, and good boundaries. (Bad boundaries–stink?) But I don’t think that’s it. Rather, I think my bad mood today is like the skunk I saw tonight. In and of itself, it’s not a problem. There’s not a thing in the world wrong with being hungry, angry, or tired (or all three at once). So long as most of me can step over to the other side of the street and proceed slowly (don’t make any sudden moves), it’s all right. But get too close to a bad mood, and look out. To modify a familiar quotation, speak (or try to fix you phone) when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.

Talk about stinking things up.

Okay, I’m going to bed now. Surely this skunk of a bad mood will go away soon enough.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

You can’t stuff down the truth—it always comes up.