Well crap. It’s four-twenty in the morning, and I’m just sitting (well, sort of reclining) down to blog. It’s like the old days–writing until the sun comes up. Of course, back then I was just getting started. Part of the reason I stayed up so late to blog was because the blogs themselves took forever, sometimes six or seven hours a piece. I didn’t know what to say. But now it’s easier. It’s like part of my brain has been trained to be alert all day, gathering information to spit out later. Then whenever I open my keyboard it just knows–barf–its time to let it all out.

It’s time to let it all out. This has been on my mind today, partly because I’m working through a book about feeling (really feeling) your buried emotions (you just thought they were dead), and partly because tonight, while telling my friend Justin about what it was like for me as a teenager to sit in a courtroom and watch my dad be declared guilty of misusing his pharmacy license, I started to cry. Not that I haven’t told this story or processed it before, but tonight I included more details about me personally, how I dressed up every day to go to court. Starting off, I had this feeling of pride. I can remember my tie had a bowling ball on it. (I was totally into sports back then.) Later, after the judgment, I felt embarrassed. Anyway, I guess I didn’t realize what I felt until I told the story out loud in Justin’s living room tonight and let it all bubble up.

Thankfully, I felt (and feel) comfortable enough with Justin to let this happen, to take the lid off the buried emotions jar. We’ve known each other for twenty years, and he’s seen me laugh, cry, and get angry. I don’t think he’s ever flinched. Rather, he’s simply given me space to be a damn human. For this I am grateful and regularly tell him so. It’s a big deal to have your journey 1) witnessed without judgment and 2) affirmed. I think we all need this.

If it’s not obvious, my hanging out with Justin is why I’m blogging so late tonight. He and his wife, Ashley, and I met our friend Joseph downtown for drinks and live music this evening, then we took our party back to their house. It’d been a while since we’d all seen each other, so we stayed up pretty late. And whereas we ran the gamut of conversation, we waxed serious. I mean, I cried, but that came after a larger discussion about growing up and how and why we learn to shove our emotions down. Anyway, I’m not saying we should all talk about our childhoods every night of the week (that would be exhausting), but I am saying that if you have even one or two people in your life with whom you can let down your defenses and be a damn human every now and then, hold on to them.