On Dancing and Personalities (Blog #1066)

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Currently it’s six in the evening and I’m in Springfield, Missouri, above the Savoy Ballroom. In an hour–I don’t know–a hundred people will be downstairs, dressed in rolled-up jeans and poodle skirts, ready for tonight’s sock hop. In two hours, after a swing dance lesson, the hop will officially begin. At some point, my friend Matt and I will perform a routine to “Good Golly Miss Molly” with our friends Anne and Andy, the studio owners, and six other couples. Matt and I just learned the routine last night. Just before I sat down to blog, we practiced again. Thankfully, everything is starting to make sense.

Late last night and earlier today I went down the rabbit hole of learning about different personalities, according to a system (Human Design) I was introduced to a few days ago thanks to what I believe was fate. You know, that happy little thing that’s beyond our control and places us in the right place at the right time. And whereas I’m a total newbie about all this, the system makes sense to me. The main thing I like about it being that it doesn’t try to squeeze everyone into the same box. Rather, in very clear terms, it espouses the idea that we’re all made beautifully and uniquely different, and for good reasons. What I bring to the table isn’t what you bring to the table.

And we need both things.

Now, I’m not going to try to take my extremely limited understanding of Human Design and explain the whole system. But perhaps by sharing a few things that have resonated with me, I can offer to you what’s been offered to me, the peace of mind that comes through self-acceptance. Like, here’s something. For decades I’ve told people that I’m not spontaneous, that my idea of being spontaneous is to write on my calendar, “Do something unplanned this Saturday at three o’clock.” Well, I’ve given myself a lot of crap for this. I’ve looked at people who fly by the seat of their pants and been jealous. I’ve thought, I wish I could do that. God, Marcus, why can’t you lighten the fuck up and STOP planning? But according my specific Human Design profile, I haven’t been created to function that way. Indeed, the affirmation it offers to my type is, “I am not here to be spontaneous. I am here to be deliberate.”

Deliberate. It’s amazing what freedom you can find in a single word. YES, I am NOT here to be spontaneous. That’s for someone else. Go, live by your fancy. As for me, I’m a planner, an on-purpose-er.

I am here to be deliberate.

I can’t tell you how much I identify with this word. Likewise, I identify with the concept of “just doing it,” of having a thought and making something happen. But apparently only nine percent of the world’s population are like me. The others, the majority, prefer to be invited to do something, rather than initiating it (a conversation, a business, a lifestyle change). I don’t know their official profile, but I’ve always said that one of my friends will NEVER mow their lawn on their own, certainly never PLAN to mow their lawn on their own. But if you (spontaneously) say, “Hey, wanna mow your lawn today?” they’ll be right there WITH YOU. Anyway, that’s what I’m seeing. That I’m a loner, but some people absolutely are not. I’m a planner, but some people are anything but.

And we need both things.

Along these lines, apparently I have my willpower center defined, meaning that I have willpower that’s self-generated and self-sustaining (just do it). For years I’ve looked at people I love and even total strangers in judgment. Like, why can’t you get motivated? And yet anywhere from two-thirds to seven-eights(!) of the population have willpower centers that are undefined. They REQUIRE the motivation of others to get them going. And not that they can’t get things done (in fact, they can get things done REALLY WELL); their actions just aren’t self-initiated. And whereas this may sound like, Oh crap, I don’t have much willpower (you know, it’s all the rage right now), that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Everything has its ups and downs. For example, the trade-off I make for being able to initiate things and having a lot of willpower is that it’s easy for me to burn out. Because I don’t come with an endless supply of energy, the way many people who don’t have as much willpower do.

What I’m seeing more and more clearly is that, well, both things are needed. All personality types are good and necessary. For balance. For harmony. For clarity. It’s not just my way or the highway. It’s our way or no way at all. We need each other to survive. No one can dance alone.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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There’s a power that comes when you meet life’s challenges head-on. Those are the times you breathe the deepest. Those are the times the waters come forth and your heart beats every bit as loud as the thunder claps. Those are the times you know more than ever—no matter what happens next—in this moment, you’re alive.

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On the Right Tools and Being Lined Up (Blog #849)

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What can I say? Today has been great. I’ve been house sitting, and this morning I slept in, made breakfast, then set out to do the one and only thing I had on my to-do list–repair a broken (rotten) door at my friend’s house. If I can get this done, I told myself, I won’t tackle any other projects. Instead I’ll do something “fun,” like read a book. Hell, I might even take a shower.

This is a good plan, I thought. So off I went to make it happen.

First off, I took the door off its hinges and surveyed the damage. The problem was that the door had a doggie door, and one day when the doggie door was locked, the dog ripped another hole beside the doggie door, through the rotten wood. It was a mess. Anyway, I covered the doorframe with a blanket, loaded up the door and my tools, and went to Lowe’s. And whereas I’d intended to buy the wood needed to patch the door then cut it myself, I thought, Hell, they can cut it easier, faster, and better than I can, so I had the nice guy in the lumber section do it. This in itself was a small victory. Years ago I would have been too embarrassed to ask for help, too shy to approach “a dude.”

After Lowe’s I stopped at my parents’ house to pick up some paint/stain for the patch, as well as some probiotics for my sinuses, since I woke up feeling slightly junky this morning. One of the things I experiment with is breaking open a multi-strain probiotic pill and swishing the powder around in my mouth. The idea is that whenever you have an excess amount of mucus or–god forbid–a sinus infection, your microbiome “up there” is off, so inserting new critters in your mouth can help (because they crawl up into your nose and sinuses and go to work balancing things out). All this to say that I was chatting with my dad in our kitchen as I broke open the probiotic pill into my mouth and then–sort of like how you try to chat with the dentist when he has his hands in your mouth–I continued talking.

Well, white powder everywhere.

You should have heard my dad laughing.

“I really needed that,” he said. “Thanks for cheering me up.”

Wiping powder off my face, I said, “I’m glad I could help.”

Fortunately, the door repair went better than the probiotic situation did. Granted, it took a while, but there were no major hangups. A friend let me borrow their garage and their power tools to do the work, and y’all, the right tools make all the difference. At one point I needed to cut through the plywood so I’d have enough space to fit my saw into the wood and then cut farther, so I used a small rotary saw to get the job done. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without it. Back at my friend’s house, I hung the door easily enough, but had to make adjustments where the bolt slides into the frame. I think this part was off previously. Regardless, this happens a lot in old houses. Something settles, then things don’t line up like they did before.

And then I took that shower.

Intent of spending the rest of the evening relaxing, I went to a late-late lunch and finished a book I started yesterday. Then I bent my own no-more-work rules and returned some not-needed screws (never thought I’d say that) to Lowe’s and also bought a new hammer because my old one went kaput recently and I’m tired of nailing things in with my flashlight or crowbar. (Anything in a pinch.) Then I helped my aunt with a small project, AND THEN I came back to the house to relax (listen to an online lecture) and, later, eat dinner.

Here’s a secret (that’s not really a secret). A lot of times when I sit down to write, I don’t know what I’m going to say. More specifically, I don’t know what my theme is going to be, what important nugget I’m going to discuss. I’m saying this now because this was the case when I sat down tonight. However, reading what I’ve written, a couple things stand out, which I’ll get to in a moment. But before I do I think it’s important to recognize that this is how creativity works–it doesn’t reveal itself in advance. You have to actually do the thing before you know what’s there. This was one of the points in the lecture I listened to–that in terms of personal growth and transformation, you’ll only discover your latent talents, abilities, and powers when you’re willing to set your old self aside and let your new self come forth.

Now.

The first thing that popped out to me earlier was “the right tools make all the difference.” This is true in handyman work, personal growth and transformation, and healing. For example, my therapist has been an invaluable resource to me and has offered me countless tools for accepting and honoring myself. Lesson One in A Course in Miracles says, “This (fill in the blank) does not mean anything.” This chair does not mean anything. This car does not mean anything. This hot guy across the room does not mean anything. The point of the exercise is to realize that if something means something to you, it’s only because YOU’VE decided that it should, and this means you have a lot of control over the things in your life and whether or not they have control over you. My point is–this exercise is another tool for peace of mind.

If one tool doesn’t get you want you want? Try another.

The other statement I noticed while reading tonight’s post was “something settles, then things don’t line up like they did before.” In my experience, I know when I settle in relationships, what ends up not lining up is me with me. That is, we all have an inner voice that lets us know when people cross the line or when a situation simply isn’t right for us. This is an invitation to self-advocate or simply be honest (this isn’t working for me). Perhaps this means you have to allow a latent power within you (like your voice) to express itself. So what? You try a new tool. A few years ago I would have been intimated to repair a rotten door. I would have thought, I’ve never done that before. Even now I’m almost always intimidated when I have to get real or have a come-to-Jesus meeting with someone. But I’ve done it before, so I can’t say I don’t know how or that I can’t. Plus, more and more I’m not willing to settle. It’s more important for me to be lined up with me.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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We all need to feel alive.

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