The Universe Is Upside Down (Blog #645)

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Two good things that happened today–

1. I got rich, bitch

Well, sort of. Just before Christmas and my knee surgery, I made at a cash deposit through my bank’s night-time drop box. And whereas the deposit showed up online the day after Christmas, it was for MORE than what I’d written down. A hundred dollars more. For the last week, I’ve continued to check online thinking someone had made a mistake, but nothing’s changed. Maybe I miscounted, I thought, grabbed an extra hundred.

Like I had an extra hundred to grab.

Anyway, now that I’m semi-mobile, I went to the bank today to inquire about the matter. For twenty to thirty minutes, I watched a very kind teller run back and forth, checking his computer, pulling out deposit slips, asking people questions. Finally, he came back and said that yes, there’d been a mistake. “However,” he said, “our books still balance.”

“So what are you saying?” I said.

“I’m saying don’t worry about,” he said. “You can keep it. Merry Christmas.”

Merry Christmas indeed.

Thanks, universe!

2. Someone was kind

After going to the bank, I went to Walmart for knee Bandaids and foods rich in potassium, since my legs have been achy and restless at night and I’m thinking it might have something to do with my electrolytes. (Or maybe the fact that one of my legs was recently cut open and severely traumatized.) Anyway, this was a serious chore, walking all around a damn warehouse, since I move with all the agility and speed of a slug. Everyone was passing me–people with canes, people in wheelchairs–everyone. Talk about being self-conscious. But then at the checkout line an old man, with a beard like Moses, step backed and waved me ahead. “You go first,” he said.

I think the phrase for what I immediately experienced is “cognitive dissonance,” that feeling that something is out of order. An old man making concessions for a whippersnapper like me. But I’m learning that the universe is out of order. The universe is upside down. At least from how we think about it. We think we don’t deserve something, that we’re not worthy of all the good in the world, and yet there the world is, offering all its goodness to us constantly.

Well, at least a couple times a day.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Growth and getting far in life have nothing to do with where you’re physically standing.

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Oh Boy (Blog #613)

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Two days ago I injured my left knee during a dance routine, and this afternoon I saw a friend of mine who’s an orthopedic surgeon about the matter. Y’all, he took one look at my swollen leg, and these were his exact words–“Oh boy.” Talk about bad news. Later, after his staff took x-rays, he said there was “a small fragment of bone” floating unattached–toward either the front or back of my kneecap. (I’m assuming this isn’t normal and was also bad news.) “We really need to get an MRI,” he said. “That will tell the whole story, then we can go from there.”

So now we have a plan–wait for the hospital to call and schedule the MRI, get the MRI, then go back to see my friend the doctor. In the meantime, he gave me a knee immobilizer, this fancy situation with three steel rods in it to stabilize my leg and protect it from further damage. As for how to take care of my knee, he said I could use ice or heat or “whatever makes you feel comfortable,” but that nothing would really increase or decrease the rate at which I heal. Ugh, healing. The topic of surgery has already been brought up. In other words, this could take a damn while.

Merry Christmas, Marcus.

I spent this afternoon and evening at the Fort Smith Little Theater getting ready for our holiday variety show, which is this coming weekend. I’ll be in two skits–a musical improv skit, which I discussed yesterday, and a two-man improv game called What’s My Line, during which a friend of mine and I will make up a skit on the spot and have to work in audience-provided lines that we pull out of a hat mid-performance. In tonight’s practice game we were two siblings in the backseat of a car (on the way to grandma’s), but our relationship and location will change based on audience suggestions each night. If this sounds terrifying, just rolling with whatever’s thrown at you, IT IS.

Here’s a picture of our set and two of the other musical improv actors.

In both the musical improv and regular improv numbers, there were hits and misses tonight. That’s the deal with improv. It’s like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you hit on something really super–a great character, a delightful relationship, a wonderful line. At one point this evening, I became a four-year-old named Walter, and everything just clicked. Probably because my emotions lately have been about as stable as a toddler’s. But then other times you fall flat on your face. In my last musical number, I was a dad who took his daughter to Disney World and ended up saying, “The holidays are awkward. That’s why your grandma drinks. Also, your mother and I are getting a divorce. I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear at Christmas.” At which point our musical director said, “Well THAT took a dark turn.”

I mean, sometimes life takes a dark turn.

I guess it keeps things interesting.

Personally, I’m fed up with “interesting” in my life. Lately my energy levels have been low, and now that everything from going to the bathroom to plugging in my phone is has become a major production, I’m more physically worn out than ever. But you know–I’m trying to be pleasant, to not totally withdraw and feel sorry for myself. This is why I didn’t bail on my commitment to the Little Theater, why I’m slowly dragging my ass out on stage every night despite the fact that I’m embarrassed by my crutches and–I realized tonight–wholly jealous of the other cast members, who get to dance, jump about, and otherwise make use of both the knees God gave them.

That is, I’m trying to roll with what’s been thrown at me.

(Tonight this costume was thrown at me.)

This is definitely a challenge, going with the flow, or, as Teresa of Avila says, breasting life’s rough waves joyfully. Personally, I’m so tired of “soldiering on.” This afternoon while listening to Neil Diamond sing, “Money talks, but it don’t sing and dance, and it don’t walk,” I started crying because I thought, I don’t dance or walk either!

Seriously, life can a lot sometimes.

Now it’s almost midnight, and I need to get to bed because I have an appointment in the morning and need to wake up early enough to shower. Granted, I’m not sure HOW I’m going to shower, but after three days of NOT showering, I feel like I should. This afternoon I stood on one foot at the sink and took a “whore’s bath” with a washcloth, and that just didn’t get the job done, if you know what I mean. Anyway, we’ll see what happens; we’ll see what life throws at me tomorrow.

Oh boy.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

"It's really good news to find out that the world isn't as scary as you thought it was."

The Law of the Vital Few (Blog #601)

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Today has been go, go, go. This afternoon I had a Skype consultation with a posture/exercise guru about muscle imbalances in my body. And whereas he didn’t tell me much more than I already knew (my shoulders are rounded, my head sticks forward, my hips are tilted forward), he did give me a lot of good information about how things in the body work together. For example, if your shoulders are elevated (like mine are), that most likely means that the muscles along your shoulders are too strong, but also that the muscles in your mid-back are too weak. So fixing the problem–apparently–becomes a twofold task: stretch the too strong or tight muscles, and strengthen or “work out” the weak ones.

It never hurts to have more information.

As I have quite a few muscle imbalances in my body, my first inclination to my assessment today was to be overwhelmed. How am I ever going to fix all this? I mean, one of my issues is that I sleep on my left side, so my body is apparently shrink-wrapped into a scrunched-up position on right side. So what the hell, now I have bad habits even while I’m sleeping? A guy can’t catch a break. That being said, the consultant today said that some problems I thought I had and assumed were terrible (like my hips tilting sideways and my feet pronating) really aren’t that bad. So I’ve been telling myself that it never hurts to have more information.

Now I can better make a plan.

After the call, I spent the rest of the day running errands in Fort Smith. Last night after having fixed the door on my parents’ dishwasher, I discovered the dishwasher was leaking. Ugh. There was water all over the floor. Anyway, that was my first order of business this afternoon–trying to track down a new gasket or rubber seal. (After going to three different stores, I think I’m going to have to order one online.) Then I went to Lowe’s for a part to fix my dad’s leaky faucet (everything leaks around here), then I went to Home Depot because I forgot Plumber’s Putty at Lowe’s. Then I went to three different places looking for a pair of shoes for a dance performance I have coming up (I found the perfect pair for twenty bucks at the third place), then I went to the vitamin store because I was out of the few supplements that I take.

And no, I don’t mean “a few hundred.”

Finally, after the sun went down, I made my way back to Van Buren, where I picked up a new interior lightbulb for my car, Tom Collins, as well as a prescription for my upset stomach. (My doctor recently suggested something new.) Back at the house, I fixed Dad’s leaky sink. Like, it actually works. Well, except for the fact that you have to turn the cold water handle in the opposite direction now. Like away from you instead of toward you. But whatever. Dad said he’s smart enough to figure it out.

So that’s good to know.

After I’d put all my tools away and cleaned up Dad’s sink, Dad pointed out that it needed to be re-caulked. I said, “It sure would have been nice if you’d told me this sooner.” (Yeah, yeah, I know–if “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas.) “I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Dad said. “You don’t have to do it tonight.” But since I had “sink” on the brain, I dragged my supplies out again and got to work. And now it’s done. Yippee.

The consultant today told me about something called The Pareto Principle, which states that roughly 80 percent of the effects come from 20 percent of the causes. This is also called The Law of the Vital Few, and applied to business means that 80 percent of a given company’s sales come from 20 percent of their customers. Applied to my body and all it’s imbalances, the guy said, it means that 80 percent of my problems (muscle tension and soreness, headaches, etc.) come from 20 percent of my issues (back, shoulders, neck). I really like this explanation, since it reminds me that I don’t have to nit-pick and worry about every little thing in order to get noticeable results.

I think The Law of the Vital Few could be applied to one’s personal life as well. For example, of all the problems I’ve brought up in therapy over the last four years, the majority of them have boiled down to a boundaries issue. Not that I didn’t have plenty of other issues when I walked into my therapist’s office that first time, but “having healthy boundaries” is what we’ve consistently discussed from day one because–at least for me–having good boundaries solves the most problems. So I think it’s important to figure out what your vital few are. What are those few actions you take (or can take) that will alleviate the most stress in your life?

Please share your answers in the comments below.

My vital few are:
1) Writing this blog every day
2) Going to therapy
3) Having good boundaries
4) Getting enough sleep and taking care of my body
5) Dancing

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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All your scattered pieces want to come back home.

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