On Working with Your Body (Blog #815)

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I spent today with my friends Aaron and Kate. We were originally going to hang out on a river somewhere, but the weather didn’t cooperate. So instead we ended up with several other friends and acquaintances eating pizza and drinking Bloody Marys, and then later eating Mexican food and drinking margaritas. Y’all, this was an all-day affair, and I can’t tell you how currently stuffed I am. Stuffed with bad decisions. Seriously, I just got home thirty minutes ago, and my stomach is still cramping. I keep apologizing to my body. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just got carried away.

I just said I made bad decisions, but the truth is that I needed today. Most days I’m so uptight. Even when I don’t have a schedule, I make one. I make myself read, make myself write. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy these things. I’m no martyr. Still, I push, push, push. But today there wasn’t any pushing, other than carbohydrates and liquids down my throat. Instead, there was just story-telling and laughter. Nothing serious. Everything lighthearted. Just what the doctor ordered.

Well, everything lighthearted–and TUMS.

I’ve mentioned before that my neck and shoulder have bothered me for months. In short, although they’re not awful, they are really tight and sore. I get a lot of headaches. I can’t tell you how frustrating this is, especially since I’ve tried SO MANY THINGS in an attempt to feel better. Alas, healing continues to be a journey. That being said, this morning I woke up with a stiff neck and tried something different. First, I did my best to relax. This is difficult to explain, but my default, even when lying down is often to hold a certain amount of tension. So I tried relaxing–letting go–ten percent, twenty percent. I kept telling myself, Just give in a little. Nothing bad is going to happen.

Next I tried having a conversation with my body. I‘m going to be spending time with friends today and would like to not get a headache. I’d like to just have fun. Would you mind letting go? Could we try that? And whereas the relaxing and the dialoguing (monologuing) weren’t lightening-flash, Hallelujah-chorus moments, I do think they helped. I went all afternoon and most the evening without even thinking about my neck or shoulders. So maybe my body listened. Eight hours without a undue tension. This is a big deal for me. Granted, I have some tension now, but still.

Things could be much worse.

Now it’s nine at night, and I’m feeling better. My insulin has kicked in, and I’m not cramping anymore. Even the tension in my neck I just mentioned has slacked off a bit. The “big lesson” for me today is that my body is a living, breathing, moving, intelligent thing. So often I think of any tension I carry, any problem I have, as this static, solid thing. As if my body were carved out of a piece of stone and were completely unwilling and unable to change. But more and more I’m learning that my body is something softer (and no, that’s not just because I eat pizza), something wiser, something that’s on my side. Something that’s willing to work with me if I’m willing to work with it.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Suddenly the sun breaks through the clouds. A dove appears--the storm is over.

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Lickety-Split (Blog #655)

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It’s 10:47 at night, and I spent most of the day–over eight hours–on the road home from Nashville. As I’m exhausted and still need to do my knee rehab exercises, my intent is to keep tonight’s blog simple and knock it out lickety-split. Here we go.

1. On me and my body

Last night before I fell asleep, I had a chat with my body. In short, I told it that 1) I knew it was doing the best it could, 2) I wanted to stop criticizing it, 3) I’d like for us to work together, and 4) I’d try to not only listen to it more, but also try to believe in its wisdom and ability to heal. Anyway, who’s to say what causes what, but I’ve felt ever-so slightly better today. Not like my skin issues cleared up overnight or I woke up full of energy, but I did wake up more–what’s the word?–hopeful. Anyway, I imagine I need to have this conversation with my body a few (hundred) more times, and I’m willing to do this. Regardless of what’s going on with me physically or how I actually feel, me and my body need to be friends.

2. On being nice

This morning for breakfast Bonnie and I ate at a crepe shop in Nashville, and there was a sign–an arrow that pointed toward the counter where you place your order–that said, “Nice People.” Cute, right? Well, it made me think of something my therapist has told me a million times–“Nice is a strategy.” And whereas I know I’ve quoted her on this matter before, I’m not sure I’ve really fleshed it out.

Personally, I know my default way of being in the world–for years–has been to be “nice.” I was raised in the south, after all. So often I’ve thought I’ve had to reply to every text message, right away, or not stand up for myself, in the interest of being “polite.” You know, What will people think? But my therapist says, “Nice is something you are when you want something,” even if it’s just for people to like you or believe you’re a good person. “It’s very different than being kind.”

Is being nice wrong? Of course not. My therapist says she’s nice to secretaries and doormen (because you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar). But again, she’s clear that being nice is a strategy, just like being passive aggressive or even aggressive is a strategy.

3. On grounding

During the ride home today (my friend Bonnie drove), while I was reading a self-help book, I learned a grounding exercise to help relax you body and calm your nerves. Basically, it helps pull you out of your anxious thoughts and into the present moment. First, you FEEL your feet on the floor. Then you notice three things–the sound of your friend singing, the heat coming through the air vents, the headlights in front of you (or whatever).

Normally my go-to thought with these methods is, Shit like this doesn’t work for me, but I’m working on believing that it can, that if shit like this can work for other people, it can work for me.

Quotes from CoCo (Marcus)

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Transformation doesn’t have a drive thru window. It takes time to be born again.

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